Could Wal-Mart Ever Be Called “Green?”
What are the necessary conditions for pigs to fly?
One headline read: Green tech innovations save cash and planet. The text followed: “Businesses from Wal-Mart Stores Inc to Nike Inc are finding that green investments in their operations are more than just Earth-friendly – they’re boosting the bottom line, an environmental group said on Tuesday.
“The new wave of environmental investments goes beyond energy-saving lighting, buying recycled office supplies and double-side printing, the group, Environmental Defense Fund, said in a new report.” Wow!
Could Wal-Mart Ever Be Called “Green?”
Despite the obvious fallacies and the glaring oxymoron, FEWW moderators decided to put this to the test. The first reactions from an informal sounding were all too similar. The responses varied citing anything from “deception” by one kind of animal, to “rape” by another kind. Two examples follow:
Deception
- Well, it all depends on your notion of “green,” “blue” [the new advertising gimmick meaning “deep green,”] or khaki camouflage. What color is a Chamaeleo pardalis?
Panther Chameleon. Coloration varies with location, [and business objectives] the different color patterns of Panther Chameleons are commonly referred to as ‘locales’, which are named after the geographical location in which they are found. (Photo Credit: David Parks, via howstuffworks.)
And …
Rape
- If you can call Josef Fritzl a “caring” father, then you could probably call Wal-Mart “green,” or “blue” [meaning “deep green,”] because W-M’s passion for the environment is similar to Fritzl’s love for his daughter. They both got raped for quarter of a century!
An Austrian police handout picture released April 28, 2008 shows Josef Fritzl.
[Note: A “caring” father, Josef F. locked up his daughter in a windowless cell for 25 years for “her own protection” preventing her from “breaking all the rules” that might have harmed her. He repeatedly raped her to presumably express his “fatherly love,” and even kept three of the seven children which he fathered (grand-fathered?) with her, locked up in the basement to keep the “family unit” intact.]
Contorted logic?
A Wal-Mart Supercenter in Miles City, Montana. Note the obscene size of the parking lot! This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License. (Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dave_mcmt/282000649/)
The 7 Rs for Wal-Mart
FEWW team had designed a survey covering a number of “serious” issues and at the last moment they decided to also include the question of Wal-Mart “color” on a poll of the members, colleagues, associates and supporters. The question concerning the mega corporation asked:
What are the circumstances, ever so remotely, under which Wal-Mart could conceivably claim to be “green,” or “blue,” [meaning “deep green?”]
Mushrooming in the Heart of Nature: A Wal-Mart Supercenter in Madison Heights, Virginia.
This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 2.5 License. (Photo: Ben Schumin, via Wikimedia Commons.)
The replies, with all the “polite profanities” and snide remarks removed, were formulated as follows:
To be called “green” without a guffaw [not even a snicker] Wal-Mart should:
1. Renounce profit-making as a business model.
2. Re-establish as a customer co-operative.
3. Re-house all of their employees within a 0.6-mile (1km) radius of the stores.
4. Refuse to serve customers who
(i) Live farther than 5 miles (8km) from their stores, or
(ii) Drive to the stores.
5. Return the parking lots to nature.
6. Refrain from selling merchandise that are NOT locally produced, i.e., stop importing from China.
Or
7. Rot in the Ruins!
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